I am sitting at my desk right now with tears streaming down my face.  I've already gone to the bathroom to cry.  The fucked up thing is I don't fully understand why I am crying.  Basically I feel like everyone at the bar I hang out at hates me.  ALso my best friend and I are drifting apart and she has so many other friends and I have so few.  I really need to be proffessional and stop this childish crying but I can't. I honestly just want to die.  Thats the extent of this.  I don't want to live.  I freaked out theis morning bc I thought I gained weight  (scale said 129) So then I strip down and take off my heavy pants and voila! back to 126.  Still not small enough though.   Sadly I am still crying and I can't stop, much less I don't want to stop crying.  I hate myself.  Why the fuck am I so fucked up?  The other night my room mate calls me an anorexic alchoholic bitch.  I came back with that she is a compulsive overeating bitch with a stick up her ass.  I have work I should be doing right now but right now it doesn't appeal to me.  I am just so sad.