sKinNyCHIC's Xanga

Friday, August 10, 2007

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:24:11 GMT

This will be my good bye. Although I dont think anyone reads this anymore. I am going to get a new site, new beginning. In order for me to succeed I need support, even through my toughest times. I am not going to sit here everyday and get zero support when this is a joint cause. I will be getting a new xanga so I will hope t see some of you soon. Good luck Girls

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:59:28 GMT

Wow it is nice to see that everyone is reading my site. I know I am not the first pessimisstic person on here. I am just going through a tough time right now. I can't even begin to understand this feeling. I am thinking about cutting again. I know I shouldn't it won't solve anything but this pain has got to go somewhere. I really don't have anyone other than my family who I can't say anything to because they will say "I told you so" and "you are getting to thin". However I am getting this thin because it is not so much about losing weight anymore. It is a simple response, a way to deal because I can't deal on my own. I am sick of no one external from my family caring. My best friend doesn't care about me anymore. Always making up excuses but has time for everyone else. Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I wanna die.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 19:34:51 GMT

Damn I got a rough 3 hours of sleep last night. I just couldn't sleep. I had such a long day yesterday to. I finished moving my stuff into the house. I feel like shit though. I wanna eat alot right now. I am able to resist but I really keep thinking about food. UGH gross. This morning my mom woke me up with "you need to put some meaton those bones" cuz she found me curled up in a ball half sleeping and shivering under my comforter. I hate this. My bestfriend doesn't give to shits about me. I find out from a third party she is moving into an apartment on the 4th. WTF? News to me. Thanks for keepin in touch "BFF". Sorry for my pessimism. I am just so pissy right now. My sis wants to hang out but I have to go back to my old house to vacuum and finish cleaning up. Also my cell phone might be getting shut off b/c my ex "lost his wallet" and can't pay the $100 on our $160 bill (he went over his minutes and racked up an additional $40). I want to die. I am so tired of smiling and doing this little happy charade. There is no point. I just want to starve and be alone.

INTAKE

Sun Chips 140

egg 69

1 hndfl popcorn 65

Lunch (chicken) 230

Monster Energy (LC) 20

TOTAL 524 YUCK

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:56:27 GMT

First of all I would like to thank all of you for your support on Friday. I was having a really tough time. My coworker and I went downstairs during her lunch break and I smoked a bowl. I rarely smoke so I was pretty stoned. Being stoned at work--all I have to say about that is WOW.

Ito much/to busy. I don't really associate with many people. I am irritable and I prefer to be alone. But when I am alone I want to be with someone. UGH I am confused. Anyways tonight I am moving out for good. Most of my stuff is already at my parents but we need to get me matress/dresser/ and remainder of bedding. I packed all weekend I don't feel like doing what I have to do t don't know why but I am chronically sad and depressed. I think it may be a combination of not eating/drinking all night. Kill me. Well now that I will be at my parents at least the drinking will cease, but the only benefit I see out of that is better sleep and less calories. Bad part is my mom will hound me more about my weight. Well I am off to check your updates now! Luv yas!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:01:12 GMT

I am sitting at my desk right now with tears streaming down my face. I've already gone to the bathroom to cry. The fucked up thing is I don't fully understand why I am crying. Basically I feel like everyone at the bar I hang out at hates me. ALso my best friend and I are drifting apart and she has so many other friends and I have so few. I really need to be proffessional and stop this childish crying but I can't. I honestly just want to die. Thats the extent of this. I don't want to live. I freaked out theis morning bc I thought I gained weight (scale said 129) So then I strip down and take off my heavy pants and voila! back to 126. Still not small enough though. Sadly I am still crying and I can't stop, much less I don't want to stop crying. I hate myself. Why the fuck am I so fucked up? The other night my room mate calls me an anorexic alchoholic bitch. I came back with that she is a compulsive overeating bitch with a stick up her ass. I have work I should be doing right now but right now it doesn't appeal to me. I am just so sad.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 22:32:36 GMT

I've decided to stop being a baby and I am going to give you more current updates on my weight.

Starting Weight: 140

CW 126

Yea so I went to the bar last night and when I got home my roomie was waiting on for me and started hounding me about the weight issue again. She's like "i know what your doing, I know your throwing up and not eating because you are getting so skinny". I was mildly drunk at the time so I don't recall much of the conversation. UGH Anyways, I am a bit hung over right now. SOrry, gotta make it short

INTAKE

iced chai with skim 60

skinny cow ice cream 80

Lunch 230

Sun Chips 140

TOTAL: 510

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 20:21:38 GMT

Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!!

OK, sorry I am very pissed at myself. Ok here it goes. I ate some McD french fries. Not just a couple, but like a fourth of a medium sized fry! There are 380 cals total in a fry so a fourth would be 95 cals. But since I do not know for sure I am gonna tack on 50 extra cals just to be safe. I don't know why I did it! I finally reilized what I was doing and threw the rest away. I am horrible girls.

So did anyone hear that Lindsay Lohan got arrested again. What an idiot. SHe makes a big show of walking around with that sobreity bracelet only to get drunk and start chasing the mom of her assistant who resigned. Then to find cocaine? WHen is this bitch gonna learn?

Anyways here is my intake:

Sun Chips 140

Egg 69

1/4 Fries 145

lunch 230

TOTAL 584 (BAD!!)

THINSPO OF THE DAY

The Lovely Kate Moss

Monday, July 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 23:33:14 GMT

AHHH so I really don't know what to do. I am just soooo sick of trying. Today in math my teacher was sugesting I drop the class. YEa, AGAIN. This has been my 3rd, no maybe 4th time enrolling. I really do not know what to do. I hate math it makes no sense to me. Its not like i don't try I do. I should be working on that right now rather than working on xanga. Oh fucking well. So I went up north with my parents this weekend and am pleased to say I had a very nice relaxing time. I ate waaaay to much though I just know it, i've gained. So now I will be restricting to get rid of this extra fat. On the way home my mom was saying she is worried because I am getting to thin again. I told her i'm fine. SHe doesn't believe me she wants me to get help. I am sick of therapists. SO SICK of them! Well I hope all if well gals!

INTAKE

Sun Chips 140

1 egg 69

Smart Ones 180

skinnycow bar 80

TOTAL: 469 Cals

Thinspo of the Day

Eva Longoria

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 00:09:25 GMT

Wow so this day has royally SUCKED major. I went out to the bar last night and my friend bought me some drinks amd I got hammered. I woke up this morning practically still drunk. Took a shower, got to work. Come to find out I lost $175 to overdraft charges. Then get this-my roommate texts me saying that my cat is dragging around a bag of weed. I basically cal her an idiot because the "weed" is actually catnip that I had under my bed. But nooooo she can't let it die there. She tells me "we'll see what the cops have to say about it" I was like i'll tell you right now: they will laugh in your face because it is catnip. Then with that issue aside she totally goes off on me. I am moving out at the end of the month but thats not good enough. She texts me again saying "I want you and your shit out of this house, I am changing the locks on the doors and when you pack you need to have someone with you. I am sick of seeing vomit in the toilet and I think you need to address your drinking habits. " I was like WOW. I had no idea she knew. I mean I guess I should've been more careful. I Always just wiped the seat off, I did a half assed job though overall. I tried to tell her I was sick for a few weeks and she didn't buy it. Who could blame her? So her and I went back and forth like this for awhile. In the end though, we decided to call a truce which made me happier than you know. I have been dwelling on this roomate thing for weeks now and where has it got me? INto the world of negativity, thats where. TOPIC CLOSED

Food Wise, I've been doing alright. Its alcohol I get most of my cals from. When is everyones hardest binge time? Mine is usually right after work. Thats why I go to school after work, keeps me busy. If I go home, I eat. My stomach is growling right now as I write this. Feels good.

INTAKE

Sun Chips 140 cals

Lean Cuisine 230cals

1 egg 69 cals

1/2 rootbeer float (bad i know) 120

TOTAL 560 cals

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 01:07:04 GMT

Ok gotta make this quick, i'm meeting my friend for drinks. Thanks for those who comment on my site. It really does encourage me and I try to comment y'all as much as possible...XOXO Luv yas!

INTAKE

Sun chips 140 cals

Lean cuisine 230 cals

1 egg 69 cals

TOTAL 439.